M&M's (WARNING-ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES): Celebrity Riders

Musicians and other stars often carry highly detailed clauses, also know as riders specifying arrangements they need backstage or in their hotel rooms.  Some requests are perfectly normal like bottled water or fresh fruit.  But often the demands are just plain ridiculous.  When the bottled water has to be at a certain temperature NO EXCEPTIONS, your favorite celebrity starts to look a little silly.  Here's an example of some of these crazy contractual food and drink demands:

Cheap Trick:
"4 large pizza pies, thin crust, WELL DONE"
"NO DOMINO'S PIZZA!!!!!!"
"Naked GREEN MACHINE juice and a small bag of Organic baby carrots"

Um okay, you guys like pizza.  But what if my town doesn't have a Pizza Hut?

Rush:
"a strawberry and exotic fruit presentation delivered to their dressing room"
"small French pastries made with custard or real fresh whipped cream.  Fresh bakery assorted donuts, chocolate brownies, cheese cakes (no Danish pastries)"Clearly they are men after my own heart.  Who wouldn't want a room full of brownies?  But come on, what's wrong with the Danes?

Eminem:
"ONLY Gundelsheim brand pickles"
"Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt 4 containers strawberry/banana"
"Snyder's Pretzels"
"large jumbo shrimps and fresh meat"

He's very brand conscious isn't he?

Van Halen:
"herring in sour cream"
"four cases of Schlitz Malt liquor beer (16 ounce cans)"
"M&M's (WARNING:  ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES)This one is the Holy Grail of Riders!

Donny Osmond:
"1 jar Spanish peanuts-unsalted"
"2x whole lemons and limes"
"1 tin Altoids"Uh okay...

The Beach Boys:
"Vegetable Tray-one small fresh cut organic vegetable platter to include but not limited to carrots, celery, cucumbers, tomatoes, broccoli and cauliflower with ONE DIP."
"Separate Plate:  One sliced AVOCADO, one small package alfalfa sprouts"
"one jumbo pack Freedent spearmint gum"

Isn't Freedent the gum that doesn't stick to your dental work?  The Beach Boys ARE pretty old I guess...

Christian Aguilera:
"10 bottles room temperature water.  NOT EVIAN"
"Four packs Carnation Instant Breakfast Original Malt Flavor"
"One small bottle Flintstones vitamins with Extra Vitamin C"
"1/2 pint of fat free small curd cottage cheese.  Knudsen or Clover only"Flintstones vitamins?  WTF???

And my all-time favorite celebrity rider EVER...

Kenny Rogers:

"Fast Food, Chain Restaurant Food is Not Acceptable."
"1 lb. each M&M plain and peanut candies"
"1 pint Drambuie liqueur"
"1/2 gallon fat free milk"
"Some of Kenny's favorite dishes are broiled seafood, chicken, Chinese (pepper steak),
Japanese (teriyaki steak or chicken), angel hair pasta with marinara sauce, plus entrees that include sauces."

The irony here is Kenny Rogers OWNED a chain of fast food restaurants!

And in case you're wondering...If I'm ever famous, my rider will read something like this:
"2 twelve packs Diet Coke in cans"
"44 ounce Diet Coke with extra ice from Sonic"  SHORT STRAW ONLY
"Corn tortillas and Mexican Relish from El Chico Restaurant.  CARROTS ONLY"
"1 box Ding Dongs"
"1 package Reese's peanut butter cups, MUST BE REFRIGERATED, FROZEN IS UNACCEPTABLE"
"1 package Kellogg's Pop-Tarts S'mores or Raspberry flavor only.  CRUSTS REMOVED"